So basically.. there's this girl i used to be best friends with. like people do, we drifted apart but were still kinda friends and whatnot. Now we're back to being really good friends, but she's completely obsessed with Paris Hilton. She acts according to her book, which by the way, is TOTALLY ridiculous. It's awful. Personally, I've never really hated Paris Hilton up until Ashley started to live by her book. Since then, i've been wanting to strangle her for ever putting it out. I think she's pretty sometimes (except one of her eyes always looks messed up, but w/e). I borrowed the book a lil while ago because of Ashley's obsession.. and for those of you who haven't read it.. (which is probably most of you)...under the cut is some passages i chose to share with you..
word for word, by the way.
My Instructions on How to Be an Heiress
1. Be born into the right family. Choose your chromosomes wisely. This may seem like ludicrous advice, but actually it isn't. If an heiress is in control of everything, why shouldn't she be in control of who she's born to? You know how everyone always says there are no accidents? Well, i believe you choose who you're born to. And if you do have the misfortune of being born into the wrong family, remember: No one has to know. Airing family laundry is definitely a big no-no for an heiress. You can always reinvent yourself and your lineage if you have to. Half of Park Avenue and Bel Air have. Lineage is a state of mind.
3. Have absolutely flawless skin, but don't fret over it. Pile makeup on, and never, ever have a breakout.
6. Never, ever wake up before ten; never go to bed before 3.
8. Never have only one cell phone when you can have many. Lose one all the time.
16. Always have a big bodyguard.
At the end, she says she was being sarcastic about the rules (rule #23). She doesn't talk about being funny throughout the rest of the book.
My list of twelve things an heiress would never do:
3. Go out the night after the oscars.
4. Go out when it's raining, unless you have a Gucci umbrella.
5. Talk about money.
10. Stand in line for a movie.
The shortened Paris diet (she warns that this is not for everyone.):
-Eat fast food as much as possible.
-Eat pasta as much as possible.
-Eat sushi, because cool, beautiful people eat sushi.
-Eat chocolate.. it's sinful, therefore makes you happy.
-Eat popcorn at night. Eat only carbs at night.
-Never take diet pills.
-Dance away the calories all night.
Wardrobe Do's and Don'ts:
Do show off your navel and belly.
If you wear jeans, wear them really, really low waisted.
Dress supersexy when you don't have a boyfriend, or to make an ex jealous.
To be the girliest girl, like an heiress:
-Throw a fit, throw things, cry--loud. Have a meltdown whenever you feel like it. Whimper and whine on a whim.
-Change your boyfriend as often as your mood.
-Let your parents take care of you.
-Wear pink and ballerina stuff to the point of overkill.
-Cover your cell phone in rhinestones.
-Keep a diary of everything a guy you like does (isn't there a different word for that.. hmm.. stalking?)
This is just a glimpse into the book for those who are unaware of the content of it. It goes on to talk about her singing, and always wearing tiaras, have a tiny dog wherever you go and whatever else.
Can you see how ridiculous it is for someone to take that book seriously? It's crazy. The most annoying thing ever is the constant tantrums.
Now.. for those of you who feel the need to stick up for Paris Hilton (for God knows what reason..especially since she 'doesnt care' what people say/think. neither should you) I do not think she is being serious. I certainly hope not. However, idiotic people in the world, such as this girl i'm friends with, are actually trying to live by these rules in order to 'become an heiress'. But. In order to become an heiress, you have to inherit. And, despite what you may say, I am not jealous of Paris Hilton, whether it be for her looks, money, publicity, or funny left eye. I haven't hated her after the sex scandal, sidekick leak, or whatever else. I didn't care one way or another because it doesn't, and never will, affect me. She just put idiotic things in her "Confessions of an Heiress" for people to supposedly follow and people actually are doing just that. And it's by far the most annoying thing ever. If you are one of these people that are trying to live by her book...not to sound too harsh, people probably hate you. And not because they're jealous of you. Because you're stupid.
Let the amusing comments begin!